


And So They Lived

by Wifeofbath



Series: What Came After [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F, Family, Post Destroy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-08
Updated: 2014-03-08
Packaged: 2018-01-15 00:47:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1284979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wifeofbath/pseuds/Wifeofbath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Samantha faces the truth: Shepard will never be hers alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And So They Lived

For three months after she awoke Shepard didn't speak. 

In private hallways Chakwas, a surgeon, and Samantha had held conferences. 

Plans were made. Tests were run. 

Wordlessly, Shepard accepted it all. 

When no medical reason for Shepard's muteness was found, a therapist was called in. Samantha had watched through the observation window as the man chattered away. Shepard had only stared at him. Half her face was still in gauze and her hair was growing back in red, ragged chunks. Her face was expressionless, but her eyes held the same disdain as Samantha had seen when Shepard had dealt with the council.

She remained voiceless.

After a month and half she was discharged. She was hobbling on crutches, and under normal circumstances she would have stayed months longer. But the beds were full and when Samantha had tried to get her to mention that she was the Savior of the galaxy Shepard had rolled her eyes in the way only Shepard could.

There was a throng waiting for them. They pushed through, surrounded by guards. Shepard looked exasperated. For once, Samantha was grateful she wouldn't have to listen to her girlfriend complain about all of this. 

As they pushed through the crowd dodging questions (Commander Shepard, how does it feel to know your crew has yet to be located? Commander Shepard, what do you say to the quarian allegations that you are responsible for the mass genocide of all sentient AI's? Commander Shepard-Commander?) somewhere a child was jostled, dropping a beloved doll. A wail rose up, drowning the reporters questions. 

Shepard stopped. 

The guards around them pushed at Samantha but Shepard dug in her crutches and glanced around, turning towards the noise. She glanced down at her feet and saw the doll. At some point in time it had been blonde, but the hair was damaged and half singed. The dress had been pink, but it had faded to a red based tan. One foot was missing. 

She bent, awkwardly and picked the doll up off the ground. As she stood she swayed perilously and a woman reached to steady her. Shepard glared at her and moved towards the child, now standing at the end of the parted sea of humanity. 

She stared down a guard. After a moment, he moved. 

Like a cross, or a totem, the former N7 held the doll out in front of her. 

Something in that gaze could still part crowds. Shepard moved through them like the red sea. 

When she reached the little girl she knelt. Samantha, close behind, could see the split second long grimace. The child was still sobbing as Shepard looked at the doll. She straightened the dress and smoothed the hair. She reached up and touched her own half bald head.

Shepard had never been, vain, but Samantha wondered what she was thinking about in that moment. As she ran her fingers over the dirty face of the doll, was she thinking about the way her own skin had melted like plastic and stayed that way? Was she wondering about her own image? The former commander traced the stub, that had been a foot and then awkwardly touched the stump just above her elbow. 

The little girl had stopped crying and was now staring wide eyed at the former commander. She clutched at the skirts of the man she was with, presumably her father. 

It was so silent Samantha could hear Shepard swallow. 

Behind her a reporter nudged a camera man.

"Are you getting this? It's golden." The camera man shushed her, and the sacred silence was restored.

Shepard looked up at the man for approval and he nodded. She held the doll towards the child. 

The girl hesitated and then clutched at it wildly, one handed. The child's arm was bandaged into a stump similar to Shepard's. The Spectre hesitated and then held out her left hand hand, as if for a handshake. Solemnly the child grasped it, looked at the woman;s half gone right arm, and threw herself into Shepard's chest. Samantha expected her girlfriend to fall. She looked so fragile these days. But she held steady and wrapped her arms around the child.

The iconic image would be printed in history books for years. Shepard, first human spectre, savior of the galaxy bending her body around this child,her head resting in the girls's hair and both her good arm and her stump wrapped around her. In her elder years Samantha would hear a thesis written about it. For herself, Shepard never spoke of it. Not once in the next forty two years they spent together, did she ever mention it. A few times Samantha almost asked, but held back. Whatever had passed between the soldier and the child was theirs alone. It was a hard truth: Shepard would never belong to just Samantha.

Samantha cover her mouth, holding back tears. When Shepard regained her feet, leaning on Sam's elbow, they hobbled only a few steps before the silence of the stunned crowd exploded into a barrage of questions and comments. 

Shepard put her eyes forward. 

She spoke another six weeks down the road. 

They lived in a little house a few dozen miles outside London. The one luxury Shepard's status afforded them was privacy. They weren't bothered by reporters or houseguests and a patrol took care of that for them. 

Samantha found herself talking less to fill the silence, and allowing the silence to become it's own form of communication. They still weren't sleeping together or having sex, but there were nights Shepard would begin the night in her own room and at some point Samantha would hear her padding down the hall. She would find her on the porch, wrapped in a blanket and looking up at the stars. When Samantha touched her shoulder she would be shivering. 

When she did come back to bed, it was always to Samantha's room and every night she curled around Samantha as if she needed the other woman to keep warm.

Her hair was growing back in, just brushing the tops of her ears when Samantha picked up the phone and heard the news.

"The Normandy has re-established communications. She's coming home. The crew is in good health. We should have them home by the end of next week."

She let out a whoop and Shepard came running from the living room.

"They found The Normandy!" 

Shepard stood there eyes wide. And then, almost in slow motion, she collapsed. Samantha ran to her, and when she cupped Shepard's face in her hands it was wet with tears.

They sat on the ground, wrapped in each other arms and then Shepard said, very deliberately. "After they come home, I want to move. Somewhere far away and quiet. A colony, maybe." Her voice was hoarse from disuse.

Samantha blinked. "Ok. Whatever you want."

Over the next three days the list grew: Land with a lake and pine trees; a fence round the yard; horses; a dog.

They made love for the first time the night after the Normandy landed, when the crew had been housed, and tears cried, and beer and dinner had.

Afterwards, in bed, Shepard whispered her final wish; "Do you think you'd still want kids, Sam?"

She did, as a matter of fact.

The twins, one boy and one girl, arrived a few months later. Shepard was a doting parent. She loved the hell out of the kids. Their family felt complete. In the quiet moments Samantha would walk into the kids room to find Shepard snuggled in with them. On other days, she took them swimming, hiking, riding. She taught them to ride the horses they had bought. Samantha remembered how carefully she had placed Andy on the back of Pebble, how straight and carefully the boy had sat, and how after Shepard had whispered to the horse for a moment, he walked as if he carried the sacred.

Samantha picked out their first dog. A golden retriever Shepard learned to love more than anything. In the manner of dogs, it seemed to be attracted to the person who had wanted it least. Soon enough, though, Shepard had renamed Goldy, as Varren, and the two were inseparable. Where Shepard went, Varren followed. 

They built a life. They lived...not necessarily happily ever after...but they lived. They argued and cried. They made peace and came to terms. Shepard learned to enjoy a slower pace. 

Sometimes Samantha was afraid to lose her. Sometimes Shepard disappeared for days, taking her truck and driving and driving until she found whatever she was chasing and returned, penitent. Samantha tried to hold onto her loosely, but found herself struggling at times. Still, she loved Shepard. She held the home together. She vowed to be there forever. She stopped thinking of Shepard as her girlfriend and started thinking of her as her partner and wife. 

Their life settled into a comfortable pattern.

When Garrus pulled into their driveway, years later, it was a pleasant, but unexpected surprise. It certainly was not what he had expected.

Samantha met him by the door. 

The soldier was staring out across the hill, towards the lake. In the distance, a forest rose up and Samantha could just make out the four shaggy shapes of the herd.

"Good to see you."

Garrus nodded, "Wow. It's not what I expected. Quiet. Never thought Shepard would go for quiet."

Samantha shrugged, "She picked most of it out. Whatever she didn't we built together." He wore a counselors robes. Samantha gestured to them. "Promotion? Are congratulations in order?" She felt wary of Shepard's old friends, sensing the weight behind his visit.

"I guess you could say that. It's a lot of paperwork. Shepard probably won't let me live it down."

"I'm sure."

An awkward silence followed.

Garrus sighed, "I'm guessing you've gathered I'm here on business."

Samantha nodded. "Shepard's out in the barn with the kids."

Garrus' mandibles flared, "kids?"

They found them unsaddling the horses. Shepard was leaning against the wall, supervising. The dog ran towards Garrus stopping a few feet away and crouching, barking at the strange intruder. 

Garrus held up a hand as Shepard glanced over. "Varren, heel. He won't hurt you any."

The dog backed slowly towards her master. Shepard scratched her behind the ears and glanced at the robes.

"Thought you hated paperwork."

"I do. But there was no one else for the job. This human taught me, like it or not, you do the job in front of you."

Shepard took an awkward step towards them. "Good to see you, old friend." Samantha could see her sizing up the situation and understanding the weight and measure of it.

Garrus nodded, "You too."

Shepard half smiled. "Andy, Ashley, Got a friend for you to meet."

The two kids peered down from the loft. Garrus looked at her. "Andy and Ashley?" 

"Andy is short for Anderson. And...Ashley… They didn't have names when we adopted them. They were two then...It just seemed right." She raised her voice. "C'mon down, kids."

They were nine now and Shepard diled out rewards and chores in equal measure. Samantha was always surprised at her ability to parent. This was, after all, a woman who had grown up on the streets and largely raised herself.

As the children stood, just behind them Samantha realized how little they left home. She couldn't remember even taking the children off world. They had found so much contentment here.

"Andy. Ashley." Shepard said with a grin. "This is Counselor Garrus Vakarian. A very old, and a very good friend of your mother and I."

Andy was sizing the turian up solemnly, "From the war?" They had explained a few things, other ideas the children had learned in the colony school. They didn't talk about Commander Shepard. They didn't talk about the Normandy. Samantha had suggested it but Shepard had shrugged, "There's time enough for it. Most of it, I'm sure they'll piece together. No point in bragging."

Shepard nodded, "Yes."

Ashley grinned, "We learned about you in school."

Garrus coughed and gave the kids a crooked grin. "Ignore your mom. I'm not that old."

"You're older than I am. I was always surprised you let me order you around."

"Never stopped you from ordering me around either."

Shepard leaned against the wall, chewing a piece of straw, "Guess not."

"I hate to interrupt," Sam interjected, "but I've made dinner. Would you to come into the house, counselor?"

The Turian looked sheepish. "Spirits, please. Call me Garrus."

"Or archangel?" Shepard suggested slyly.

The turian sighed. 

Garrus sat with the family as they ate. He and Shepard exchanged comments and banter, but it wasn't until the children were in bed that he broached the reason for his coming.

"We need a human councilor."

Samantha's heart dropped. She sipped at her beer to hide it.

Shepard frowned, "What made you think I would be interested?"

Garrus chuckled. "I told them you were staying out of the limelight these days. But better me stopping by than Tevos right?"

Shepard laughed. "I definitely prefer you."

"So,are you interested."

Shepard stood and walked to the window. Samantha watched her. "I don't know." She muttered. "Sounds like a lot of paperwork. And the kids… they haven't been off world much." She looked up at the stars, "What do you think Sammy?"

It was a pet name she used rarely except for in their intimate moments alone.

Samantha weighed her words carefully. "I think it would be a big change Something we'd have to talk about."

Shepard nodded and pressed a hand to the glass. "We'd have to move to the citadel, pull the kids out of school. Sell all of this." She gestured to the house, the land, the animals. "And of course there would be the late hours, and the emergency meetings, all for the good of galaxy."

There was something bitter in her voice. 

"And don't forget the demands and the pressure. Being the postergirl for all of humanity." Her voice was raised now, "As if I haven't done enough to earn a little peace. A little happiness. All I want is my family, my home, my-"

Samantha reached for her, but it was the voice behind all of them that snapped Shepard all of it. 

"Mommy?"

Shepard turned. Ashley stood in the door. Silently, Shepard knelt and opened her arms. Samantha watched the way Garrus's eyes focused on the stump.

Ashley ran into them and Shepard wrapped her up into a hug. Samantha remembered the moment Shepard had knelt embracing another little girl. "Hey baby girl. What happened? You were sleeping."

"I had a nightmare."

Shepard fell backwards, pulling her daughter into her lap. "Do I need to tell you the story again?"

The child nodded and Shepard chuckled. "Ok."

Samantha motioned Garrus to the couch as Shepard began to talk.

"Long ago Mommy had a good friend. Her name was Ashley Williams. She was so brave, baby, like you wouldn't believe."

"And a crack shot." Garrus added, "Enough to make me jealous."

Shepard chuckled, "Garrus was there too."

"On the Normandy?" 

"Yup. Back before I even met your momma."

"What happened to her?"

"She gave up her life, on a beautiful beach. She died so that mommy could live. So that everyone in the galaxy could be safe. And you know what, we gave you your name so that she would always be here, making sure you're safe. So you don't have to be scared, because Ashley made sure it was me and your mom that found you and Andy. And it was Ashley who kept you safe during the war. And whenever your in trouble you can always count on her to take care of you. And mommy and momma will always love you." Something of the old Shepard came back as the soldier cradled the little girl, and added fiercely in a voice Samantha remembered as if from a dream, "And I will always, always, always protect you."

The little girl was asleep by the time Shepard finished speaking. Samantha glanced at Garrus. His mouth was slightly open as he watched. "When they first came here she would go through that three or four times a night," she whispered. 

Shepard stood, the child limp in her arms. She grunted a little and Samantha knew it was embarrassing to her wife that she was no longer as strong as she had been during the war, when she had shouldered Kaidan with barely a t thought on Mars. She was still strong, but not soldier fit. 

She disappeared down the hallway and when she came back her arms were empty.

"I don't think so Garrus." She said softly. "I have everything I want here."

"I take it the galaxy needing you-"

"My family needs me more. I gave my right arm for the galaxy already."

Garrus laughed, "Fair enough." He stood and walked over to the soldier. "But don't be such a stranger."

Shepard took his hand, "I'll work on it. Take care of yourself. "

The two locked eyes and Samantha knew in her soul this was the parting of the ways. Shepard didn't intend to go back to the citadel, or earth, or any of it. They were here to stay. This was goodbye. She faded back towards the kitchen, and listened to the hum of voices. She let them have their space.

When he left, she came back. Samantha sat down on the couch with a sigh. 

Shepard sat next to her. "Disappointed you aren't married to the human counselor?"

"Are you kidding? Might have to share you then." She leaned her head on Shepard's shoulder. Shepard turned and lifted her face, kissing her. She moved methodically downwards, planting a trail of kisses along Samantha neck and shoulder. Samantha sighed happily and touched the red hair of her lover now brushed with grey. 

Outside, in the cold the galaxy turned, civilization marched onwards. A turian drove through the night, back to the spaceport. In a few hours he would be curled by his own fire, with his own lover. Now, in the silence he reflected on the life his mentor had chosen. Turians lived longer than humans. He had time.

Maybe some day…

In this quiet corner of the galaxy it was four humans, four horses, and a dog. Nothing more and nothing less. It was all that was needed. No, it wasn't perfect, but it was good life. Neither Samantha nor Shepard would trade it. 

And so they lived.


End file.
